Oh crap, we forgot it was Ash Wednesday! Luckily we still have time to enjoying a solemn viewing of “Army of Darkness” [IMDB] to celebrate. We will accompany the viewing with a sacred (kinda) meal of chicken and tap water.
We will also reflect on the lessons of Ash. Ash teaches us to respect your work-place. He encourages higher-education and unique solutions to life’s (and unlife’s) many challenges. Most importantly Ash teaches us to face our problems, however many and ugly they may be head on with style.
As I mentioned, we forgot about Ash Wednesday this year (we’re not orthodox) so had no time to prepare something new. Instead we’ll revisit the wisdom of Ash from 2012:
Ash on Ethics
Ash: “Good. Bad. I’m the guy with the gun.”
Ash on Romance
Ash: “Gimme some sugar, baby.”
Ash on Retail
Ash: “Alright you Primitive Screwheads, listen up! You see this? This… is my boomstick! The twelve-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart’s top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That’s right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about a hundred and nine, ninety five. It’s got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That’s right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that?”
Ash on Etiquette
Duke Henry: “I am Henry the Red. Duke of Shale, Lord of the Northlands and leader of its peoples.”
Ash: “Well hello Mister Fancypants. Well, I’ve got news for you pal, you ain’t leadin’ but two things, right now: Jack and shit… and Jack left town.”
Ash on Dating
Sheila: “You found me beautiful once… ”
Ash: “Honey, you got reeeal ugly!”
Ash on Motivation
Ash: “We can take these Deadites, we can take ’em! With science.”
Ash on Sharing
Old Woman: “I’ll swallow your soul!”
Ash: “Come get some.”
Ash on Ego
Arthur: “Are all men from the future loud-mouthed braggarts?”
Ash: “Nope. Just me baby… Just me.”
So however you celebrate the glory that is Ash, we hope that you do so surrounded by loving family, strong walls and very few deadites.