Drama/Action/Sci-fi, 137 Minutes, 2017
Before we begin, we must recognize the true hero of this story: Chatty-guy-behind-us. When the movie was sneakily attempting to foreshadow something or self-indulgently tried to build a moment, Chatty-guy was there for us! He heroically defused the tension from key scenes and selflessly, loudly kept us informed of events happening directly in front of us on a giant screen.
That boy deserves a medal. A god-damned medal.
This has got to be a familiar situation to some of you.
It’s Ash Wednesday! Last year we reviewed all of the Evil Dead movies, but as things are more hectic this year, we decided to go with a simple, solemn viewing of “Evil Dead 2”.
To add to the festivities, Entertainment Earth has announced an amazing, full sized Ashy Slashy Puppet Prop Replica (pictured) from the amazing Ash vs. Evil Dead series! It’s not coming out until July, but preorders are open.
In the past we’ve shared quotes from the films to spread the wisdom of Ash. This time, let’s delve into the TV show:
Ash on Puppets
Puppets? I hate puppets! Even stunningly handsome ones.
Ash on Traveling
Yes, I’m upset. Yes, I’m behind the wheel. Yes I’m drunk, and maybe my license isn’t the fancy kind from the DMV, but at least I’m drunk!
Ash on Coincidence
You’re the one that grew up your entire life looking for that book and you never found it. Me on the other hand, can’t fart without tripping over that thing, and I fart a lot!
Ash on Exercise
Brand spanking new hand, or…brand new ‘spanking’ hand!
Ash on Meditation
Ruby: I’m not dead you dumb bastard.
Ash: Oh wow, that was weird you were really still for a minute.
Ash on Racial Etiquette
Hey! He’s not “the Mexican” okay? He’s Pablo. “Pablo the Mexican.”
Ash on Education
Okay, uhh…obviously I know exactly what’s going on but, for the sake of these people, maybe you should explain.
Ash on Romance
Linda, from the moment I saw you I realized, that you were one of the only Lindas for me.
Ash on Nostalgia
Wow. Last time I was here I was hopin’ to get laid. Didn’t quite work out that way. I did cut my own hand off with a chainsaw, though. Fun weekend.
So, however you celebrate the glory that is Ash, we hope that you do so surrounded by loving family, strong walls and very few deadites.
I was minding my own business when my wife asked, “Can a bunch of people try and squeeze into your car?” Apparently the high-school is having a scavenger hunt and somehow stuffing innocent Smart Cars full of teenagers is an integral part of it. It took some convincing, but I gave in. Here’s the result:
That’s 2009 Smart ForTwo Passion with nine teenagers stuffed inside. I told them that they could have doubled that if they used toddlers, but they seemed happy enough.
Drama, 104 Minutes, 2013
The purpose of some films is to make the audience think; to provide discussion topics. They lay out rules, set up pressures and obstacles then examine the reactions of their ridiculously verbose characters. Success might be measured by the time the audience spends discussing the problems posed. It might also result in a violent argument with dear friends!
Sony just emailed me a congratulations for getting the platinum trophy for “Infamous: Second Son“; which I earned in March of 2014. The email subject was, “You just dominated inFAMOUS Second Son“. Hooray for past accomplishments!
Oddly enough, I actually earned two Platinum trophies – for “Dishonored 2” and “The Order: 1886” in the past couple of days. I guess I should expect a couple emails in, say, 2021!
Horror, 86 Minutes, 2016
Tommy Tilden (Brian Cox [IMDB]) is thrilled that his son, Austin (Emile Hirsch [IMDB]) is following in his footsteps. He’s been the county coroner for many years and has earned his reputation as a perfectionist. When the local sheriff finds a perfectly preserved corpse with no outward signs of trauma lying serenely among the tattered victims of a multiple… homocide? Suicide? Accident? – he goes to Tommy for answers.
Fantasy/Adventure/Family, 91 Minutes, 2016
This is the fourth feature from the stop-motion geniuses at LAIKA. Following “Coraline” [IMDB] in 2009, the small studio has fallen into a comfortable two-year release schedule with “ParaNorman” [My Review at MoreBrains.com] in 2012 and “The Boxtrolls” [My Review] in 2014 and now this in 2016. Each and every film is a modern classic and “Kubo” is no different.