Movie Review: Machete Kills

IMDB, Machete Kills“Machete Kills” on IMDB

Action, 107 Minutes, 2013

There are certain things that you don’t question. Like, why is there always some jackass that tries to cram the boats in diagonally in “Battleship”? Why is there no “gluteus minimus”? Who actually watches “Mike and Molly”?

The problem with questions like these is that you really don’t want to know the answers. Moreover, even if you had the answers they wouldn’t actually help. That jackass still will have broken the pegs off of your submarine. Mike and Molly still sits at number one in its time slot. You still won’t have a gluteus minimus.

“Machete” is like that. I have also just been informed that there is, indeed, a “gluteus minimus“.

Danny Trejo [IMDB] is Machete. The only guy that could ever be Machete. He is absolutely one of the coolest guys on the face of the planet. Not to fawn but this sonofabitch was 68 years-old when he made this movie. He’s got over 20 movies in post-production for 2014 alone.  He’s a god-damn cultural treasure.

The story picks up shortly after the 2010 original, “Machete” [IMDB]. The story… really makes no difference. It starts as an action grindhouse spoof, slides around a terrorist spoof and ends up in god-damn outer space. Along the way things happen that will make your brain hurt. Writer/director Robert Rodriguez [IMDB] has a gift for the awesomely absurd. Machete rides a nuclear missile. Mel Gibson [IMDB] can see into the future. Lady Gaga [IMDB] tries to act.

Well, that last one was just a plain old lapse in judgement – she’s godawful shitty – but the rest are kind of cool! This is a love it or hate it thing, period. I love it.


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  1. Good review Jim. May not be as good as the first, but still a bunch of crazy fun just to watch a bunch of familiar-faces do weird stuff that you wouldn’t normally see them do.

    1. Absolutely one for the “guilty pleasure” pile!

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