Adventure, 102 Minutes, 2013
Hey kids, it’s time to dig up Hans Christian Anderson and carve another chunk from his desiccated flesh! Sure, we’ve left him alone for awhile, but it’s time. We’ve been gouging at the Grimm boys for a while. We even did some Japanese imports! The crew over at Pixar’s been good to us but, dammit, we need a new princess to feed the machine! And this is a two-fer!
“Jack the Giant Slayer” on IMDB
Adventure, 114 Minutes, 2013
A retelling of “Jack and the Beanstalk” the movie plays fast and loose with the particulars of the story but stays comfortably in the genre. It adds a beautiful, strong-willed princess; a heroic, selfless knight; a devious royal advisor and ups the giant-ante considerably. Instead of our hero outwitting a single giant we get a whole big bunch of giants!
“Hansel & Gretel: With Hunters” on IMDB
Adventure, 114 Minutes, 2013
This is directly in line with other high-firepower, low-respect updates of old-world classics like 2004’s “Van Helsing” [IMDB] or 2005’s “The Brother’s Grimm” [IMDB]. The formula gets tweaked but is basically the same: a hot guy and a hotter gal take on monsters with completely unrealistic steampunk firepower.
Fantasy, 106 Minutes, 2012
Do you know the story of Snow White? No? Don’t worry – neither do the people who made this movie. There’s a mish-mash of references to the original story and the Disney version but mostly it’s stuff that they just plain made up. Like most family films today there are a lot of modern references and a healthy dose of feminism.
Fantasy, 98 Minutes, 2011
James Furlong has a serious problem. The men in his line are afflicted with strange magical powers that tend to hinder more than help. His grandfather would go blind for 37 minutes if he thought about sex. His father disables machines near him when scared. James has it worse, however: whenever he’s hurt everything (and everyone) near him dies.
Horror, 128 Minutes, 2011
[This is the first review for this edition of my semi-regular “my-wife-is-visiting-relatives-so-I’m-watching-loads-of-crappy-movies” film festival.]
Fantasy, 100 Minutes, 2011
A modern retelling of “Little Riding Hood” this movie works in a lot of ways. The setting is gorgeous and spooky and the build-up is well drawn. The dialog and acting are (I hope) meaningfully stilted: this is a fairy-tale after all.
