Movie Review: Raptor Ranch

IMDB, Raptor Ranch“Raptor Ranch” on IMDB

Horror, 90 Minutes, 2013

This is the simple story of a small-town hottie, three friends who run out of gas, a gay soul singer and his entourage all being eaten by dinosaurs grown in silos by a crazy old man.
I think it’s based on a Dickens novella. Or maybe a morphine dream. Whatever it is it’s certainly not “Jurassic” or any kind of park.

The special effects are absolutely short-bus special but work pretty well for the first half of the movie. The comedy is ham-fisted as you can get but also works fine for the first half of the movie. Hell, even the acting is decent enough for the genre… for the first half of the movie. The second half of the movie takes a decided turn.

For one thing the movie transitions from night, where the rough edges of the effects could blend in, to day, where they looked like construction paper dolls. The movie also got really lazy. The action moved from open spaces to a single scruffy warehouse. The effects also really got really lazy. For example, the dinosaurs started just stepping on everybody. Just plain, smooshin’em. Blood-spat and done.

But hey, at least you get Lorenzo Lamas [IMDB], right?! He’s right there on the poster! Well, sorta. His character – a not-so subtle Fox Mulder clone – is seen for, maybe, four minutes. On the other hand, he also does absolutely nothing. Crappy dinosaurs and a (mostly) no-show star: how can you resist?!

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