Tag: Film

Movie Review: Cloud Atlas

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IMDB, Cloud Atlas“Cloud Atlas” on IMDB

Drama/Sci-fi, 172 Minutes, 2012

I had been attracted to this by the trailers but lost track of it until I noticed it available on Amazon Instant Video.  I couldn’t honestly remember what about it attracted me.  I knew that Tom Hanks [IMDB] seems to pick scripts well and that I’d never been completely disappointed by the Wachowski’s.  We ended up watching it, my lovely bride and I, without bothering to get any more information on it.

We loved it.  Both of us.  We didn’t understand shit.  Neither of us.

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Pants make Earth Special

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I recently caught the end of “Cowboys & Aliens” on cable again and as I watched the climatic battle I remembered the bit of my original review about how Hollywood was getting in a rut with its aliens:

Grey, hairless, oddly-bent knees, big teeth, covered in mucus  and dripping with drool.  It started with “Aliens” of course but then we got “Battle L.A.”, “Super 8″, “Independence Day”, “Skyline”, “Pitch Black” and everything from “Avatar” that you weren’t supposed to want to bang.

As I watched the sequence again I was struck by something that solidified my problem with all of these designs.  The one thing that neatly represents all my complaints and frustrations.

Where are all the pants?

These are advanced civilizations.  They’ve perfected space travel, energy weaponry and (I assume) fiscal accounting policies and practices.  Don’t any of them wear pants?  Togas?  Kilts?  Uniforms of any kind?  Even if only to tell the grey, backwards-kneed space janitors from the grey, backward-kneed space generals?  Do aliens really not have a bikini area?

Movie Review: The Whole Damn Paranormal Activity Franchise

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IMDB, Paranormal ActivityIMDB, Paranormal Activity 2IMDB, Paranormal Activity 3IMDB, Paranormal Activity 4
Paranormal Activity on IMDB (Horror, 86 Minutes, 2007)
Paranormal Activity 2 on IMDB (Horror, 91 Minutes, 2010)
Paranormal Activity 3 on IMDB (Horror, 83 Minutes, 2011)
Paranormal Activity 4 on IMDB (Horror, 88 Minutes, 2012)

I, like everybody else, heard amazing things about this series.  The first movie was made on the thinnest of shoestring budgets (less than $15,000) but has since grossed over 100 million.  I had never gotten around to watching it.  With a fifth movie announced, four in the can and a whole day to kill I figured, “why not a marathon?”

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Movie Review: Noobz

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IMDB, Noobz“Noobz” on IMDB

Comedy, 97 Minutes, 2012

This is sorta, kinda, almost a remake of “The Wizard” [IMDB].  Like that weird little classic a group of friends, in this case a “Gears of War 3” clan, go cross-country to compete in a giant video-game championship.  The major difference is that the main characters here are thirty-something slackers.  The main similarity is that they, also, really don’t seem to know much about gaming.

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Movie Review: Death Race 3: Inferno

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IMDB, Death Race 3“Death Race 3: Inferno” on IMDB

Action, 105 Minutes, 2012

The Death Race movies are really odd ducks.  The original “Death Race 2000” [IMDB], released in 1975 by legendary producer Roger Corman [IMDB], showed us the dystopian future of the year 2000.  An annual trans-continental race (which actually started in 1980) where points are scored for pedestrian deaths and the brutality of kills is the national sport.  The star of the sport is “Frankenstein”, a disfigured racer who has never been beaten.

[There will be spoilers for the previous movies ahead.]

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Movie Review: Silent Hill Revelation

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IMDB, Silent Hill Revelation“Silent Hill: Revelation” on IMDB

Horror, 94 Minutes, 2012

This is a sequel to 2006’s underappreciated “Silent Hill” [IMDB].  Where the original movie was more inspired by the video game this movie attempts to merge that mostly original story with the third game.  (The “Silent Hill” video game series tends to vacillate between a loosely contiguous plotline and stand-alone stories set in its universe.  The third game was essentially a direct sequel to the first.  For what it’s worth the second game, which connects to very little, was the best game in the series and one of the best games ever made.)

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Movie Review: The Perfect Family

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The Perfect Family“The Perfect Family” on IMDB

Comedy/Drama, 84 Minutes, 2011

This was a nice little movie.  Kathleen Turner [IMDB] plays Eileen Cleary, a fanatically devout catholic woman.  She’s active in the church and community and by all impressions as model a catholic as anybody could want.  Of course, if it all ended there this wouldn’t be much of a movie.

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