Category: Movies

RiffTrax Live: Birdemic

Movies
Comments

As a belated birthday treat for my son my lovely bride and I took him and a van load of his dumbass friends to see the latest RiffTrax Live event from the fine folks at RiffTrax (presented by Fathom Events).  The movie this time out was the modern crapterpiece “Birdemic” [my less than charitable review].

Birdemic was made for this.  Not only did Mike, Bill and Kevin make suffering through the movie enjoyable they quite literally turned the experience into the funniest experience I’ve had with a movie… well, since the last “RiffTrax Live”.

The experience is not unlike inviting a bunch of friends over to watch bad movies.  The difference here is that the screen is 40′ tall, you have 300 friends and you don’t know any of their names.  It’s some of the purest, simplest fun you’ll ever have in a theater, hands down.

Movie Review: The Lie

Movies
Comments

“The Lie” on IMDB

Drama,  80 Minutes, 2011

It’s taken me a long time to write this review.  Some movies I have to mull over for a while.  It’s difficult for me, sometimes, to actually know whether I even liked a movie or not right after seeing it.  I have to swish it around in my head and see if anything sticks after a few days.

(more…)

Movie Review: The Babymakers

Movies
Comments

“The Babymakers” on IMDB

Comedy,  95 Minutes, 2012

The basic idea here is that this guy has been hit in the balls so much that his “sperm are bad” but he’d still like to impregnate his wife.  He remembers that he used to donate sperm all the time and tries to get retrieve some of that but he finds out his last batch has been sold and will be used soon!  So he collects his stereotypical group friends – the fat crazy one, the dumb one and black one – and plans a sperm heist.

(more…)

Movie Review: Vile

Movies
Comments

“Vile” on IMDB

Action,  98 Minutes, 2011

The so-called “torture porn” sub-genre of splatter films, epitomized in the modern era by the “Saw” [IMDB] franchise but predating it by decades, is difficult to execute correctly.  The point that most low-budget attempts forget is that it isn’t the actual pain being inflicted to the characters.  Focusing on purely the physical is, as films go, crude and ultimately boring.

(more…)

Movie Review: The Dilemma

Movies
Comments

“The Dilemma” on IMDB

Drama (not a Comedy), 111 Minutes, 2011:

I think my big problem with this is that I sat down to a comedy.  But this isn’t a comedy.  It’s a drama.  The marketing machine that decided to present this in trailers and commercials as a comedy did the film a disservice because people going in expecting to laugh (like I did) are going to be confused and quite possibly pissed off.  It’s a drama.  Oh, to be sure you’ll get some chuckles out of it but it’s a drama.

(more…)

Movie Review: Lollilove

Movies
Comments

“Lollilove” on IMDB

Action,  64 Minutes, 2004

This ultra-low budget (the reported budget was $2000) mockumentary marks Jenna Fischer’s [IMDB] directorial debut.  I’ve said it before and I still stand by it: Jenna Fischer can do no wrong.  James Gunn [IMDB] can do wrong (unlike Jenna, he’s only human) but more often than not doesn’t.

(more…)

Movie Review: Dirty Little Trick

Movies
1 Comment

“Dirty Little Trick” on IMDB

Action,  98 Minutes, 2011

This is a low-budget, ham-fisted thriller that thinks it’s a hell of lot more clever than it really is.  Most of the budget is blown on the marquee talent, Dean Cain [IMDB] and Michael Madsen [IMDB].  Both of their careers have taken undeniable downward turns in recent years and neither puts forth his best effort here.  Madsen, especially, sleepwalks through his scenes.  The rest of the acting is universally terrible.

(more…)

Movie Review: The Last Castle

Movies
Comments

“The Last Castle” on IMDB

Action,  131 Minutes, 2001:

You know who makes crappy movies?  Truly terrible, criminally awful movies?  Robert Redford [IMDB], that’s who!  Bad plots, bad scripts, bad acting!  All of his movies almost without exception are pure and utter crap!  They’re pure drivel without any social value or redemptive quality of any kind!  His movies can only appeal to the most debased frat-boy mentality!

(more…)

Movie Review: Killshot

Movies
Comments

“Killshot” on IMDB

Thriller, 95 Minutes, 2008

Thrillers are hard to get just right.  There’s an incredibly fine line between a onimous stare and ridiculous mugging.  Between a straggled gasp of horror and a barely stifled belch.  This gets things so close to right but more often than not we get a belch rather than a gasp .

(more…)

Movie Review: The Giant Mechanical Man

Movies
Comments

“The Giant Mechanical Man” on IMDB

Comedy/Drama,  94 Minutes, 2012

Full disclosure: I love Jenna Fischer [IMDB].  Just love her to death.  She can do no wrong.  Any problems with this movie are somebody else’s fault.  That said there’s really not all that much wrong here.

(more…)