Category: Reviews

Movie Review: Vamp U

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IMDB, Vamp U“Vamp U” on IMDB

Horror/Comedy, 100 Minutes, 2013

Vampires are what we used to have before zombies.  They pretty much all migrated to TV and terrible tween books, but a few years ago they were some kind of hot shit.

In this we meet Wayne Gretzky (no relation, and the first of several running jokes that goes absolutely nowhere), an ancient vampire who accidentally killed his mortal love 300 years earlier.  Since then he’s been vampire-impotent and unable to “grow his teeth”.  He now works as a history professor, survives on animal blood, and is generally pretty content.

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Five Albums I’d Never Heard of Before I Loved Them

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I like music, but I’m not a “music person”.  I don’t read up on the industry, look for new releases or know who used-to-be-with-who and so forth.  Most of the music I buy is either stuff that I’ve been listening to for years or stuff that I get introduced to through unconventional sources.  Here are five albums that were introduced to me through odd channels that ended up becoming some of my all-time favorites.

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Movie Review: Video Game High School

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IMDB, Video Game High School“Video Game High School” on IMDB

Sci-Fi, 123 Minutes, 2012

[This isn’t technically a movie.  Rather it’s a web series whose first season has been cut into a movie for distribution on NetFlix.  I’m going to treat it like a movie.  So there.]

This entire thing is unabashed, shameless pandering to the video game crowd.  In this world video games are king.  Good players are the rock stars and every teen wants to go to “Video Game High School”.  Brian D is an everyman schlep who accidentally frags the school’s star, “The Law”, and gets a scholarship for his trouble.

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Movie Review: Star Trek, Into Darkness

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IMDB, Star Trek, Into Darkness“Star Trek, Into Darkness” on IMDB

Sci-Fi, 132 Minutes, 2013

Like the horribly disappointing “Promethues” [Our Review], this was written, in part, by Damon Lindelof [IMDB] who seems to take a perverse pleasure in completely ignoring beloved source material.  He did the same thing, by the way, with “World War Z” which I recently reviewed at our sister site, MoreBrains.com.  This guy is getting on my nerves.

Like those other movies you can consider this in two ways.  As a stand-alone film this really isn’t that bad.  It’s got some real, ugly stupid but as a mindless summer flick it’s not that bad.  As a “Star Trek” movie?  It really sucked.

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Movie Review: Iron Man 3

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IMDB, Iron Man 3“Iron Man 3” on IMDB

Action, 130 Minutes, 2013

[By way of explanation, this review was written on Sept 19.  I may have also sent the spellchecker into a neurotic spiral of depression.]

Ahoy, maties!  This be the third picture show in the “Iron Man” series.  Comin’ in the roiling wake of “The Avengers” [IMDB] it struggles like a drunkin’ tar heaved overboard.  Our rum-soaked sea-dog, Tony Stark, is now bedeviled by panic attacks, insomnia and insecurity after saving the whole of the seven seas from an alien boarding party in New York.

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Avast, ye Scurvy Dogs! It’s Talk Like a Pirate Day!

Movies, Personal
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Shiver me timbers and drop a belaying pin, it’s Talk Like a Pirate Day!  So, on this most reverently silly of holidays, speak like a swashbuckler, gab like a buccaneer and verbalize like a marauder!  Here’s a brief list of our favorite Pirate Movies to get you in the spirit:

  • Treasure Island (1950): There are many versions of this, the most classic of pirate stories, but this is the one that I remember seeing first.  It still holds up well.  There’s also Muppet Treasure Island (1996) if you’re squeamish (or have a thing for felt pigs).
  • Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003): Say what you will about the quality of the sequels this one, at least, was a freakin’ blast.  Not bad for a movie based on an old theme park ride.
  • Yellowbeard (1983): Not the best movie, I’ll admit, but it is Monty Python smooshed together with Cheech and Chong!  When in a certain, um… “mood”, it’s exactly what the doctor ordered.
  • The Princess Bride (1987): Some people might argue that this isn’t really a pirate movie but that’s only because they can’t find anything else to bitch about with this masterpiece.  Some people are jerks.
  • The Goonies (1985): One of the best films ever made.  It gave us One-eyed Willy, Sloth and the haunting Truffle Shuffle.  This movie forced a generation of kids to ransack their attics looking for the forgotten treasure map that just had to be up there.

If you’re nearby a participating Krispy Kreme, you can also get some free booty!

Game Review: Dishonored (PS3)

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Dishonored“Dishonored” at amazon.com

Rated M for Mature, Reviewed on PS3

Big budget gaming is a glut of sequels and mimics.  The reason for this is lamentable but obvious.  Namely that big budget gaming needs big budgets.  Selling lots and lots of games gets you those so you make games that you know will sell.  In an arena filled to bursting with Battlefighterwarduty thirty-eight, it’s especially refreshing to find a game both so originally minded and perfectly crafted.

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