Horror, 120 Minutes, 2006
I’m not sure where this movie has been hiding for 10 years, but it should have come out and waved a long time ago! Classically themed monster movies are something of a rarity; especially in the United States. Luckily, as is often the case, the foreign market – in this case South Korea – is often ready to step in and pick the slack when Hollywood decides that moony-eyed-teen-love-triangles is the only thing that will sell.
“Return of the Killer Shrews” on IMDB
Horror, 84 Minutes, 2012
There’s a long, ignoble tradition of terrible movies taking advantage of good – or at least popular – movies. A movie really can’t be considered a success unless a loosely veiled B-version (and at least one even less loosely veiled porn parody) are available within two months of release. This may be the first one to try take advantage of a mostly forgotten horrible movie.
Horror, 87 Minutes, 2010
[Wife and kids are away for the weekend and here I am again, burning through terrible movies. Selflessly. For you.]
Damn this was slow. Slow. Slow. Slow. Molasses slow. Snail slow. Tortoise slow.
Horror, 90 Minutes, 2013
This is the simple story of a small-town hottie, three friends who run out of gas, a gay soul singer and his entourage all being eaten by dinosaurs grown in silos by a crazy old man.
I think it’s based on a Dickens novella. Or maybe a morphine dream. Whatever it is it’s certainly not “Jurassic” or any kind of park.
Horror, 94 Minutes, 2012
Nearly all genre television is produced in Canada. Sure, it sounds crazy, but it’s true! If it has aliens, dinosaurs or ghosts it’s probably filmed in Toronto. Apparently it’s cheaper or easier or something. Whatever the reason, pretty much every supporting character says “aboot” and all the doughnuts come from Tim Hortons.
Horror, 90 Minutes, 2013
Danica McKellar [IMDB], who did this to you? Did they threaten you? Did they tell you, “it’ll be fun!” or, “don’t worry, nobody will get hurt!” Did they? Well, young lady, you may not have intended it, but people got hurt. Some seriously. I was one of them. So I need you to tell me who did this to you and I need you to do it right now.
Would you like to point out on the doll where they threatened to hurt you?
Sci-Fi, 100 Minutes, 2013
This may not actually be as bad as you may have heard but lordy, lordy it ain’t good. A lot has been said about M. Night Shyamalan’s [IMDB] fall from grace. I’m not one to kick a man when he’s down but dammit, this guy does not make it easy.
[Minor spoilers follow. Sorry.]
Fantasy, 100 Minutes, 2013
This was from a lot of the same people that brought you the weirdly fun “Orcs” [Our Review]. Apparently they got a good deal on the equipment because they’re back again with even more orcs.
Horror, 87 Minutes, 2012
[This is the eighteenth selection in my irregular, “My Wife and Kids are Visiting Relatives and I’m Home Watching Movies” film festival.]
Sci-fi/Horror, 98 Minutes, 2011
[This is the seventeenth selection in my irregular, “My Wife and Kids are Visiting Relatives and I’m Home Watching Movies” film festival.]
