Action, 131 Minutes, 2001:
You know who makes crappy movies? Truly terrible, criminally awful movies? Robert Redford [IMDB], that’s who! Bad plots, bad scripts, bad acting! All of his movies almost without exception are pure and utter crap! They’re pure drivel without any social value or redemptive quality of any kind! His movies can only appeal to the most debased frat-boy mentality!
Thriller, 95 Minutes, 2008
Thrillers are hard to get just right. There’s an incredibly fine line between a onimous stare and ridiculous mugging. Between a straggled gasp of horror and a barely stifled belch. This gets things so close to right but more often than not we get a belch rather than a gasp .
“The Giant Mechanical Man” on IMDB
Comedy/Drama, 94 Minutes, 2012
Full disclosure: I love Jenna Fischer [IMDB]. Just love her to death. She can do no wrong. Any problems with this movie are somebody else’s fault. That said there’s really not all that much wrong here.
“Starship Troopers: Invasion” on IMDB
Sci-fi, 90 Minutes, 2012
Hells yes, people! This is, finally, the sequel that the original “Starship Troopers” [IMDB] deserves. It’s an animated film – a beautiful, intricately-detailed computer animated film to be exact. (If you still need to be told that animated films aren’t just for kids then call over whoever let you on the Internet and tell them you aren’t ready for it.)
Fantasy, 113 Minutes, 2012
I think I had some trouble with this one because the trailers all prepared me (very well!) for a light-hearted fish-out-water (or, more specifically, a vampire-out-of-time) story decorated with some gothic trim. Instead we get an almost completely deadpan melodramatic horror-themed love story more befitting the film’s soap-opera roots.
Action, 90 Minutes, 2012
I got this because Danny Trejo [IMDB] was on the cover, period. It wasn’t until about 20 minutes in that things started clicking that this was somehow, sorta-kinda based on the YouTube-famous AC Transit Bus Fight (also known as the “Epic Beard Man” fight). This is just… weird.
Comedy, 93 Minutes, 2011
Famke Jansen [IMDB] has a hell of lot riding on this. This is her writing, directing and producing debut. The story is rather basic. A mother, Milla Jovovich [IMDB], is raising her son, Bobby, on the road and trying to escape her con artist past. When she can’t outrun it any longer and ends up in prison her son is taken care of by a friendly couple (Bill Pullman [IMDB] and Marcia Cross [IMDB]) still reeling from the loss of their own child.
“Friends with Benefits” on IMDB
Comedy, 109 Minutes, 2011
My wife had this on in the background. It was all very rom-com from the start and I kinda tuned it out. I was working on some new code to parse dates correctly regardless of timezone differences –
Horror, 107 Minutes, 2009
Low budget horror movies can take several directions. Some attempt a tone of such complete, sincere seriousness that they can do nothing but fail when delivered by terrible actors. Others veer off to the other extreme where they attempt to downplay their shortcomings with parody or comedy. These tend to fail even more completely because parody and comedy aren’t remotely the shortcuts these folks think they are. In fact they’re almost impossible to pull off correctly.
“The Mill and the Cross” on IMDB
Drama, 92 Minutes, 2011
Although not completely necessary it might be a good idea to become at least passingly familiar with Pieter Bruegel the Elder’s 1564 painting, “The Procession to Calvary” [wikipedia] before watching this movie. I’ll wait.
