“Slasher House” on IMDB
Horror, 85 Minutes, 2012
[Wife and kids are away visiting for the holidays. I’m staying home with movies and am back to the blood bucketing.]
This is pretty good ultra-low-budget horror. It’s a pretty damn bad anything else, but with a budget less than most used cars you do have to set expectations accordingly. There is often an undeniable charm to be found when literally every penny counts.
“Hatchet” on IMDB
Horror, 93 Minutes, 2006
[Wife and kids are away visiting for the holidays. I’m staying home with movies. Just call me “Scrooge”. The silly one, with Bill Murray. ]
“The Barrens” on IMDB
Horror, 94 Minutes, 2012
Nearly all genre television is produced in Canada. Sure, it sounds crazy, but it’s true! If it has aliens, dinosaurs or ghosts it’s probably filmed in Toronto. Apparently it’s cheaper or easier or something. Whatever the reason, pretty much every supporting character says “aboot” and all the doughnuts come from Tim Hortons.
Deadtime on IMDB
Horror, 97 Minutes, 2012
This were, in the slang of the participants, shit.
A once popular band is trying to pull out of a downward spiral. In a last ditch effort to impress their record company they lock themselves in crappy warehouse for the weekend to make a comeback video.
[This is the twenty-first through twenty-ninth selection in my irregular, “My Wife and Kids are Visiting Relatives and I’m Home Watching Movies” film festival. Yes, I watched all of these. In a row. In a day. More than 13 hours. Do you people see the lengths to which I will go to prevent myself from making an actual contribution to society?]
I was 16 years-old in 1987 when the first “Hellraiser” movie came out. Back then the only thing approaching what we now know as “the Internet” existing solely in the minds of schizophrenics so I was forced to wait for the VHS release of the movie to see it. I had just recently gotten into horror in a big way based on the recommendations of a friend and was a fan of Clive Barker [Wikipedia]. The movie, written and directed by Barker and based on his novella, “The Hellbound Heart” [Wikipedia], was twisted, gruesome and most importantly, different.
“The Frankenstein Theory” on IMDB
Horror, 87 Minutes, 2013
[This is the twentieth selection in my irregular, “My Wife and Kids are Visiting Relatives and I’m Home Watching Movies” film festival.]
“A Nightmare on Elm Street” on IMDB
Horror, 95 Minutes, 2010
[This is the eighth selection in my irregular, “My Wife and Kids are Visiting Relatives and I’m Home Watching Movies” film festival.]
“Creep Van” on IMDB
Horror, 80 Minutes, 2012
This van is really crappy– sorry, I meant “creepy”. It’s so very, very crappy– damn, I did it again. It’s an ugly, rusty, stupid, ridiculous, terrible van– wait, I mean “creepy”. Creepy, shitty, creepy van. It’s a creep van, OK?
“Cabin in the Woods” on IMDB
Horror, 95 Minutes, 2011
Clever movies are more fun. It’s not that movies have to be clever to be fun or that clever movies are always fun – but take any regular dumb movie and make it clever and you have more fun. For example take the plot where a bunch of friends drive up to a ridiculously remote cabin that they’ve never been before and then get picked off in ones and twos by zombies, cannibals, demons, ghosts, rednecks, rabid weasels or what-have-you. That’s not a clever plot. That’s a clichéd, hackneyed, dime-a-dozen plot. “Cabin in the Woods” takes that tired plot and makes it clever.
“Cabin in the Woods” is insanely fun.
“The Midnight Meat Train” on IMDB
Horror, 98 Minutes, 2008
This is a theatrical version of Clive Barker’s 1984 short story of the same name (found in the “Books of Blood” volume One). While the story was greatly extended (the original story encompassed only a single evening) and several characters added the basic message and drivers remained thankfully untouched. While Barker definitely isn’t to everyone’s taste at least the movie allows his story to stand fundamentally unscathed.