Horror, 87 Minutes, 2010
[Wife and kids are away for the weekend and here I am again, burning through terrible movies. Selflessly. For you.]
Damn this was slow. Slow. Slow. Slow. Molasses slow. Snail slow. Tortoise slow.
Tag: Low Budget
Movie Review: Tasmanian Devils
Horror, 90 Minutes, 2013
Danica McKellar [IMDB], who did this to you? Did they threaten you? Did they tell you, “it’ll be fun!” or, “don’t worry, nobody will get hurt!” Did they? Well, young lady, you may not have intended it, but people got hurt. Some seriously. I was one of them. So I need you to tell me who did this to you and I need you to do it right now.
Would you like to point out on the doll where they threatened to hurt you?
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Movie Review: The Shrine
Horror, 85 Minutes, 2010
Kids hiking through Europe are going missing near a small village in Poland and a junior reporter thinks there’s a story. Her editor demads she report on Honey Bee colony collapse (because editors will always shift resources away from young missing Americans abroad to cover science stories). Following her gut and ignoring orders she convinces her ex-boyfriend photographer and an intern to go AWOL and investigate the disappearances.
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Movie Review: Moon
Sci-Fi, 97 Minutes, 2009
Having watched “Oblivion” [Our Review], a movie that breeds comparisons to this one despite having only tenuous similarities, I decided that it was time that my lovely bride see it.
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Movie Review: Dead Cert
Action/Horror, 91 Minutes, 2010
The tagline for this one is “You Think You Know Vampires? Think Again.” I’m not sure if that’s a dig at sparkly vampires or not but these vampires, here? Pretty damn average if you ask me.
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Movie Review: Movie 43
Comedy, 94 Minutes, 2013
Movies like this collect well-known celebrities and, probably by intimating that they lack of a sense of humor if they won’t, convince them to spend a day or two creating often raunchy, but generally below average, short comedy films. These are then thrown together with a loose wrapper story and tossed out to the public.
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Movie Review: Cloned: The Recreator Chronicles
“Cloned: The Recreator Chronicles” on IMDB
Sci-fi/Thriller, 82 Minutes, 2011
[This is the nineteenth selection in my irregular, “My Wife and Kids are Visiting Relatives and I’m Home Watching Movies” film festival.]
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Movie Review: Empty
Drama, 82 Minutes, 2011
[This is the tenth selection in my irregular, “My Wife and Kids are Visiting Relatives and I’m Home Watching Movies” film festival.]
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Movie Review: Grabbers
Comedy/Horror, 94 Minutes, 2012
We had it in our heads, for some reason, that this was going to be another terrible SyFy Channel-style CGI-monster crapfest. We crowded around the TV, claws unsheathed, ready to have a blast tearing this terrible piece of shit to tiny shreds. Sadly we ended up disappointed.
You see, it ended up being good. Even very good.
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Movie Review: All Superheroes Must Die
“All Superheroes Must Die” on IMDB
Thriller, 78 Minutes, 2011
We’re going to give this one a lot of leeway for the sheer audacity of attempting to produce a superhero flick with a budget in the dozens of dollars. Instead of, like everybody else, producing a shitty, derivative zombie movie these guys at least tried something different. They get credit up front for that no matter what.
