Category: Reviews

Game Review: Knack

Boxart, Knack PS4Reviewed on Playstation 4, Official Website

Rated “E10+” for Everyone 10 and Up

Knack is the story of a big pile of widgets and gewgaws that, eventually, save the world from an even bigger pile of widgets and gewgaws. Like, bad ones. Oh, and there’s some really weird goblin racism as well.

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Movie Review: Airborne

IMDB, Airborne“Airborne” on IMDB

Horror, 81 Minutes, 2012

A plane is taking off. It’s the last plane being allowed to leave England headed to New York before a massive tropical storm hits. Instead of being absolutely packed to the brim with people bumped from later flights, it’s nearly empty. Only a handful of people are on board. This is, by far, the most fantastic thing that happens in this movie.

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Movie Review: Jodorowsky’s Dune

IMDB, Jodorowsky's Dune“Jodorowsky’s Dune” on IMDB

Documentary, 90 Minutes, 2013

Back in the early 1970’s director Alejandro Jodorowsky [IMDB] decided that he was going to adapt Frank Herbert’s watershed 1965 sci-fi novel Dune into a movie. By all accounts, an utterly bat-shit insane movie. This documentary is the story of how that movie was never made.

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Movie Review: Bears

IMDB, Bears“Bears” on IMDB

Documentary, 78 Minutes, 2014

This is the latest in Disney’s “True Life Adventure” series of nature documentaries. This time we follow an Alaskan Grizzly bear and her two cubs through their first year of life. It’s very tempting to say “if you seen one, then you’ve seen them all” here. Mostly because it’s basically true.

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Movie Review: The Wild Hunt

IMDB, The Wild Hunt“The Wild Hunt” on IMDB

Drama/Thriller, 96 Minutes, 2009

This movie is about LARPing. If you don’t know what this is, think “grown-up dress-up party with rubber swords”. If you do know what that is you’re probably really pissed-off that I just called it a “grown-up dress-up party with rubber swords”. Don’t be mad – no offense intended – just trying to reach a middle ground.

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Movie Review: Happy Christmas

IMDB, Happy Christmas“Happy Christmas” on IMDB

Comedy/Drama, 84 Minutes, 2014

This is one of those super-cheap, mostly ad-libbed, slice-of-life art films that tend to be fatally dull and terminally uninteresting. Only very rarely does the formula result in something worthwhile. Although this has some problems getting up to speed and staying there, happily it’s one of those.

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Movie Review: The Fault in Our Stars

IMDB, The Fault in Our Stars“The Fault in Our Stars” on IMDB

Drama/Romance, 126 Minutes, 2014

Cancer kids have cancer. They have each other too, but they still have lots and lots of cancer. This isn’t that TV cancer that doesn’t actually do anything. This is the real kind that leaves you all tubed and tired and sweaty and gross.

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Movie Review: Black Limousine

IMDB, Black Limousine“Black Limousine” on IMDB

Drama, 101 Minutes, 2010

I had no idea what to expect from this. Literally none at all. David Arquette [IMDB] failed to set the world on fire, but he’s likable and fell into some really fun roles. Also, the only synopsis of the movie available was, “A ghost story set in the city of dreams.” and that intrigued me.

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500 Movie Reviews! Hooray for Arbitrary Numbers!

My last post was the 500th movie review I’ve completed at DepressedPress.com! Happily, it was a doozy; perhaps my favorite movie of the year.

The first review I posted to the site in early 2011, the amazing Mirrormask, was actually authored in 2005 for a different (now defunct) website. The first review specifically written for this site was Prowl, a mediocre-but-interesting vampire flick, a month or so later. I had started doing the reviews as a lark to fill time, then just started reviewing everything I watched.

Here are some highlights:

  • The Next Race: This insane trip into somebody’s ego was the first film ever in “my-wife-and-kids-are-visiting-relatives-so-I’m-watching-loads-of-crappy-movies” film festival series. Come to think of it, I’ve not done one in a while… I’ve gotta get those people out of the house.
  • Fido: Now hosted on our everything-zombie sister site MoreBrains.com, this was the first review for our annual Easter zombie-thon Boiled Eggs and Brain Eaters.
  • Outlander: This was the first time that anybody actually involved with a film bothered to comment. Writer/Director Howard McCain was good enough to set me straight on a few things and discuss a few others.
  • Orc Wars: I have no idea why, but this is – far and away – the most popular review on the site. It is, in fact, the second most popular page on site overall and gets more than 10 times the traffic of any other review.

I don’t know if anybody is actually reading this stuff – I only get about 2000 page views a month and nearly no comments – but it keeps me off the street.

So here’s to arbitrarily round numbers and the vast expanse that is international cinema!