Drama, 110 Minutes, 2012
This movie was marketed horribly. It was marketed as a quick-cut, quick-wit, wacky ensemble comedy like “Snatch” [IMDB] or “Ocean’s Eleven” [IMDB]. The trailer has swearing, explosions and guns. It was presented as a fun, simple, frenetic story about some lunatics that steal an even bigger lunatic’s dog. Smart, yes, but not too smart.
Horror, 80 Minutes, 2012
This van is really crappy– sorry, I meant “creepy”. It’s so very, very crappy– damn, I did it again. It’s an ugly, rusty, stupid, ridiculous, terrible van– wait, I mean “creepy”. Creepy, shitty, creepy van. It’s a creep van, OK?
“Attack of the Herbals” on IMDB
Horror, 81 Minutes, 2011
Oh those wacky Nazis; what are they up to now?! Whatever it is you know it has to be both totally evil and totally awesome. Are they cross-breeding sharks and alligators? Are they building a killer bees machine gun? Maybe they’re constructing a secret underground empire where they’re breed an army of genetically enhanced cybernetic gorillas!
Comedy, 91 Minutes, 2012
I’m a big fan of the old Universal Horror films. “Frankenstein”, “The Wolfman”, “Dracula” and “The Mummy” are all classics and this movie gets a decent bump just by having them all together. Sure they’re all cartoons with famous voices but they’re still together and there’s a host of little references and in-jokes that just for old-time fans like myself.
The story is kinda blah. It’s got that “been there, done that… now with more pop culture references!” feel that a lot of animation has. It’s fine, but nothing that you’ll remember a few days later. Monsters are really just decent folks hiding from the horrible humans that tried to hunt them out of existence. Dracula, in an effort to shelter her from the humans that killed her mother over 100 years ago, hides his daughter away from the world in a lavish hotel that caters exclusively to the monster world. When a wayward human hiker stumbles onto the hotel everybody is, of course, forced to reconsider.
Sport/Comedy, 92 Minutes, 2011
I’m a fat guy. I spent my high-school days reading comic books and watching “Star Trek” while not being invited to parties. I never got along all that well with the jocks and sometimes really didn’t get along with them. “Battlebots” may be the closest thing to a sport that I’ve ever followed. In spite of all of that I love sports movies.
Not all of them, of course, but the anthem movies – the under-dog / come from behind / fuck-ups-make-good movies – I adore those. Actual sports are overly complicated, overly commercialize, they often make superstars of despicable people. Also the time you have to invest is insane! Movies are simple, direct and give you honest heroes; and all in a couple of hours tops!
For what it’s worth: if I were to suddenly want to get into sports I think that hockey would probably be my choice. It’s big enough to really sink your teeth into but still small enough that money hasn’t been able to completely ruin it. It’s fast and relatively simple compared to the three big balls (“foot”, “base” and “basket” in case you don’t know). This movie celebrates hockey, specifically one of the more unsavory (but iconic) aspects of it.
I’m not talking about the big movies or the loud movies. We all know that “The Avengers” and “The Dark Knight Rises” were good. I’m talking about the little, low-budget movies that rose above the crap and deserve your attention. (Note that these are presented in the order that I originally reviewed them).
The movie that single handedly redeemed the “found footage” genre – and it’s from Norway! Smart script, excellent pacing and stunning effects make this one a classic. Your jaw will be hanging open by the final scenes.
An older movie that I completely missed. I love the respect given to the Northmen, the impressive style of the creature effects and the original take on sci-fi tropes. It’s also got Ron Perlman screaming his head off and that’s always a plus!
A sweet little movie with a warm, happy message starring some of my favorite people. What could go wrong? Not much, I tell you. You’re going to be cheering for a hippy-dippy-stoner by the end.
Tucker and Dale kicked evil’s ass. The kicked evil’s ass good! One of the best satires of the “Cabin in the Woods” horror movie genre until, well, Cabin in the Woods“!
I’m still having trouble believing that the hands down best action flick I’ve seen in years is from Indonesia. Really, America, remember when we used to do action movies?
This one just stuck with me for a long, long time after it ended. I find myself still mulling over scenes and decisions months later. One of the most affecting life-crisis movies you’re likely to ever find.
A rock-bottom budget didn’t hurt this classically paced giant bug movie at all. It just got everything right, over and over.
Any of these are well worth your time. I had never heard of any of them before I gave them a shot. They made wading through all the slop worth it.
Oh, if you’re curious my biggest disappointment of the year had to be “Prometheus” I can’t even think about that without getting angry…
Horror, 95 Minutes, 2011
Clever movies are more fun. It’s not that movies have to be clever to be fun or that clever movies are always fun – but take any regular dumb movie and make it clever and you have more fun. For example take the plot where a bunch of friends drive up to a ridiculously remote cabin that they’ve never been before and then get picked off in ones and twos by zombies, cannibals, demons, ghosts, rednecks, rabid weasels or what-have-you. That’s not a clever plot. That’s a clichéd, hackneyed, dime-a-dozen plot. “Cabin in the Woods” takes that tired plot and makes it clever.
“Cabin in the Woods” is insanely fun.
Comedy, 90 Minutes, 2011
There’s always humor, often some of the best, to be found when people take something too seriously. It can be anything, but it’s all the better when the something in question is a little… out there. This is what makes movies like “Best in Show” [IMDB] so good. Take an activity that we know of but really nothing about. Include a cast of people, often small-town people, for whom this thing is everything and just sit back and watch the fireworks.
Sci-Fi/Action, 119 Minutes, 2012
H.G. Wells ushered in the modern era of time travel stories with “The Time Machine” and we’ve hardly slowed down since. We’ll probably never stop making time-travel movies. Some kick ass (“The Terminator” [IMDB]), some are silly (“Frequently Asked Questions About Time Travel” [IMDB]) and others profound (“Twelve Monkeys [IMDB] – which, incidentally, also starred Bruce Willis [IMDB]). Even those with a shoestring budget can get in on the fun as the mind-bending “Primer” [IMDB] ably demonstrated. Time travel is the gift that keeps on giving.
Drama, 97 Minutes, 2012
This isn’t really a “comedy” (although it’s billed that way). You really won’t laugh at it. It’s a somewhat decent drama however. A light, non-threatening, ultimately unimportant drama to be sure, but a decent one nonetheless. It’s flawed and these flaws tend to undercut its message but I’m willing to admit that I may not be the target audience here.
