Category: Reviews

Movie Review: Superheroes

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Superheroes Poster“Superheroes” on IMDB

Documentary, 90 Minutes, 2011

Only a small minority of people will ever donate their time and energy to the betterment of others.  An even smaller minority would ever consider joining a neighborhood watch.  Of that group only a tiny minority would actually exert effort outside their own neighborhood and even fewer would specifically target the very worst urban areas.  Within this tiny minority of selfless, giving people there is a vanishingly small subset – barely registering a wedge on the pie chart – of people who do all of that while wearing a costume.

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Movie Review: Django Unchained

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IMDB, Django Unchained“Django Unchained” on IMDB

Western, 165 Minutes, 2012

Oooh, this was good.  Real good.  Real God-damn good.

Quentin Tarantino’s genius really doesn’t lie, in my opinion, in filmmaking.  Taken scene for scene, line for line he really isn’t technically better than anybody else.  His genius is being able translate his love of film into a modern context and thus expose entirely new generations to the artistic languages of all-but-dead genres.  He’s delved into pulp crime (“Reservoir Dogs” [IMDB] and “Pulp Fiction” [IMDB]), horror (“From Dusk ‘Til Dawn” [IMDB]), Hong-Kong martial arts (“Kill Bill” [IMDB]), World War II (“Inglorious Basterds” [IMDB]) and several others.

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Movie Review: The Watch

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IMDB, The Watch“The Watch” on IMDB

Comedy, 102 Minutes, 2012

Ben Stiller [IMDB] has been more “miss” than “hit” lately.  Well – to be fair – more “average” than “amazing”.  His last few movies, including this one to some extent, have been a little uneven, silly and too dependent on deus ex machina.  This one is saved in the end by some slick special effects and some fun (if completely immature) gags, but it is a bumpy ride.

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Movie Review: Seven Psychopaths

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IMDB, Seven Psychopaths“Seven Psychopaths” on IMDB

Drama, 110 Minutes, 2012

This movie was marketed horribly.  It was marketed as a quick-cut, quick-wit, wacky ensemble comedy like “Snatch” [IMDB] or “Ocean’s Eleven” [IMDB].  The trailer has swearing, explosions and guns.  It was presented as a fun, simple, frenetic story about some lunatics that steal an even bigger lunatic’s dog.  Smart, yes, but not too smart.

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Movie Review: Attack of the Herbals

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IMDB, Attack of the Herbals“Attack of the Herbals” on IMDB

Horror, 81 Minutes, 2011

Oh those wacky Nazis; what are they up to now?!  Whatever it is you know it has to be both totally evil and totally awesome.  Are they cross-breeding sharks and alligators?  Are they building a killer bees machine gun?  Maybe they’re constructing a secret underground empire where they’re breed an army of genetically enhanced cybernetic gorillas!

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Movie Review: Hotel Transylvania

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IMDB, Hotel Transylvania“Hotel Transylvania” on IMDB

Comedy, 91 Minutes, 2012

I’m a big fan of the old Universal Horror films.  “Frankenstein”, “The Wolfman”, “Dracula” and “The Mummy” are all classics and this movie gets a decent bump just by having them all together.  Sure they’re all cartoons with famous voices but they’re still together and there’s a host of little references and in-jokes that just for old-time fans like myself.

The story is kinda blah.  It’s got that “been there, done that… now with more pop culture references!” feel that a lot of animation has.  It’s fine, but nothing that you’ll remember a few days later.  Monsters are really just decent folks hiding from the horrible humans that tried to hunt them out of existence.  Dracula, in an effort to shelter her from the humans that killed her mother over 100 years ago, hides his daughter away from the world in a lavish hotel that caters exclusively to the monster world.  When a wayward human hiker stumbles onto the hotel everybody is, of course, forced to reconsider.

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Movie Review: Goon

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IMDB, Goon“Goon” on IMDB

Sport/Comedy, 92 Minutes, 2011

I’m a fat guy.  I spent my high-school days reading comic books and watching “Star Trek” while not being invited to parties.  I never got along all that well with the jocks and sometimes really didn’t get along with them.  “Battlebots” may be the closest thing to a sport that I’ve ever followed.   In spite of all of that I love sports movies.

Not all of them, of course, but the anthem movies – the under-dog / come from behind / fuck-ups-make-good movies – I adore those.  Actual sports are overly complicated, overly commercialize, they often make superstars of despicable people.  Also the time you have to invest is insane!  Movies are simple, direct and give you honest heroes; and all in a couple of hours tops!

For what it’s worth: if I were to suddenly want to get into sports I think that hockey would probably be my choice.  It’s big enough to really sink your teeth into but still small enough that money hasn’t been able to completely ruin it.  It’s fast and relatively simple compared to the three big balls (“foot”, “base” and “basket” in case you don’t know).  This movie celebrates hockey, specifically one of the more unsavory (but iconic) aspects of it.

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Best Movies I Never Heard Of, 2012

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I’m not talking about the big movies or the loud movies.  We all know that “The Avengers” and “The Dark Knight Rises” were good.  I’m talking about the little, low-budget movies that rose above the crap and deserve your attention. (Note that these are presented in the order that I originally reviewed them).

IMDB Troll HunterTroll Hunter

The movie that single handedly redeemed the “found footage” genre – and it’s from Norway!  Smart script, excellent pacing and stunning effects make this one a classic. Your jaw will be hanging open by the final scenes.

IMDB, OutlanderOutlander

An older movie that I completely missed.  I love the respect given to the Northmen, the impressive style of the creature effects and the original take on sci-fi tropes. It’s also got Ron Perlman screaming his head off and that’s always a plus!

IMDB, Jeff, Eho Lives at HomeJeff, Who Lives at Home

A sweet little movie with a warm, happy message starring some of my favorite people.  What could go wrong? Not much, I tell you. You’re going to be cheering for a hippy-dippy-stoner by the end.

IMDB, Tucker and Dale vs EvilTucker and Dale vs Evil

Tucker and Dale kicked evil’s ass. The kicked evil’s ass good! One of the best satires of the “Cabin in the Woods” horror movie genre until, well, Cabin in the Woods“!

IMDB, The Raid RedemptionThe Raid: Redemption

I’m still having trouble believing that the hands down best action flick I’ve seen in years is from Indonesia. Really, America, remember when we used to do action movies?

IMDB, The LieThe Lie

This one just stuck with me for a long, long time after it ended.  I find myself still mulling over scenes and decisions months later. One of the most affecting life-crisis movies you’re likely to ever find.

IMDB, InfestationInfestation

A rock-bottom budget didn’t hurt this classically paced giant bug movie at all. It just got everything right, over and over.
Any of these are well worth your time.  I had never heard of any of them before I gave them a shot.  They made wading through all the slop worth it.

Oh, if you’re curious my biggest disappointment of the year had to be “Prometheus”  I can’t even think about that without getting angry…